i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
