Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You were trust falling into bushes
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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