you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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