Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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