that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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