what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
