i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize