At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
