She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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