He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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