How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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