Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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