Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
