I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
