So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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