Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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