no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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