Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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