Already got asked if we're dating
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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