He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
