Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
