She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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