i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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