I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
