So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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