Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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