thus making me awesome and them whores
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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