guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
