If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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