I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
