i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
