The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
