I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
