i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have feelings that need drinking.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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