If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
