I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
