brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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