good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
