Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
