So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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