Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
