i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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