you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
should my penis look like a turkey
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
