So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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