I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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