apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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