i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
it glows. i had to have it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
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