took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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