it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
