Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
