I think i peed on brittanys purse
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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