I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Did I show you my penis last night?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
