Just mADE A PArabola og urine
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize