we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
