i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We have so much sex to catch up on
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize