I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
