I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
