if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize