My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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