I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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