could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
