Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
