You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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