Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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