Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize